Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
this will be a night to untag.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
