Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The beer is more important than you right now.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
