I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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