I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
