hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
