I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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