someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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