you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
