just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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