Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
