Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
