Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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