he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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