We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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