being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
