Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
