just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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