I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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