I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
