I am puke
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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