That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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