Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
