it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
