Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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