i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
