I want to walk on stilts...naked
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
