Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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