there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
