Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
