The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
