look no pants
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
