i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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