The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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