i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
