I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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