wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i drank out of a bidet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
