I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
