I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
