I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
