Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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