If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The adults are the big ones right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
