can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
