my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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