Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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