they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
