Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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