He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
