I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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