My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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