i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
