my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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