How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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