oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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