I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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