Just cropdusted the office
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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